Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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