It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
