before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
