clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
