Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
