thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
