Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.

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(850): View more from Florida

I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5

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(714): View more from California

considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned

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(817): View more from Texas

My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.

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(503): View more from Oregon

since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.

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(607): View more from New York

I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.

(1-607): View more from New York

Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.

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(818): View more from California

His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"

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