If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
