I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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