After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
