The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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