Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
