would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
