DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
