do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
