your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
