We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
