last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
