A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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