i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
