If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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