why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
