i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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