Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
