I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
