I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
