I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
