It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
