if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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