Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
