I met the friendliest cop last night
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
They are going to name an STD after you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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