Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
