How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
