he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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