see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
