he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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