Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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