i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize