I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize