Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
