I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Someone came in the potted fern
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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