i can't believe i had my finger in that
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
