Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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