Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
