Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
