just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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