The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
