Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
