Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
