How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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