i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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