pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I looked at my own cervix.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
