I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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