You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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