Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
