Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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