I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
