my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
