dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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