Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
