My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
