i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
