i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
