I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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