38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
