Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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