Got a toothbrush?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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