can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
